I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
