You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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