I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had sex on a roof
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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