Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
