cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
