You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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