maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
