My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
