Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
