I want to walk on stilts...naked
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
