wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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