He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
