Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
operation have a gay friend backfired
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
