Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
