The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
