i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
