I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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