how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
