: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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