No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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