Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize