do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
