thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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