2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize