Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You are the jesus of drinking
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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