My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
