you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
