omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
