he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
