apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
