I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
