he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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