I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
