is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
