oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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