i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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