so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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