I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
