It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
