Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
