Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
