Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
two words...techno handjob
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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