So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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