I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
