wanna go halves on a baby?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
