I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
