i wish my penis had a tongue
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
