I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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