on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
