all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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