??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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