I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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