I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
false alarm, still single
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
