paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
