Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
