yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
