Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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