So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
