I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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