Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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