3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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