Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
