I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
