i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
