Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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