If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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