Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
