it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize