im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
