She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
