There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
