I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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