Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
