how can u be prego again
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
