I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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