I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
