Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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